ADD generation

It is a very sad moment in life when a twenty-five year old woman has a hard time sitting still for two hours. She fidgets, twirls her hair, rearranges the books on her desk a few times and finds any excuse to stand up and head to the bathroom - and at the end of two hours, she is left a heinous bitch from the unfamiliar exercise and the condition gets worse with the realization that very little studying was actually done.

What happened?

What happened to the six hour long school days, four hour long standardized tests, two hour long prayer meetings, or even hours of video games? What happened to the girl who would pick up a book and not look up until the sun sets and the words start blurring together on the page?

My life apparently occurs in 1 hour 45 minute intervals now. Anything less than that? Even better. An hour of tv. 30 minutes of facebook. 20 minutes of reading. Perhaps 15 minutes of the news. Sometimes all four at once. And of course, in the height of "multi-tasking", there lies the white noise of my ipod behind each and every activity. When has listening to music become a mere distraction instead of true appreciation - a small dish of pickles on a table laden with a myriad of what closely resembles a very disjointed meal of spanish tapas? Where the heck is my bowl of rice?

I refuse to label myself as ADD. I mean, who wants a medical condition? Labeling myself as clinically or chronically ADD just serves to demolish my margin of choice. I don't hear people who suck at running blame it on heart disease.

The fact remains though, that my attention span has become dangerously short. In studying Chinese, I've been trying to start up those engines in my brain again and the devastation of the discovery of my inability to focus has been incomparable with the tinge of idiocy I feel every time someone speaks to me in Chinese and gets this look on his/her face before realizing that as a matter of fact, I'm not from here.

There could have been many factors behind this - the computer/internet, too much alcohol, McDonald's burgers, Mad cow disease perhaps even PTSD - but it will get better with practice. I will be able to take those standardized tests again. You know, just something to look forward to. And what better practice is there than to have an intensive study of an unfamiliar language? I'm just glad that I don't have to lay on my side for over a year cooking my food over poop, although I'm pretty sure that I could focus on anything for long periods of time after that ordeal.