Saying Goodbye

I just booked my ticket for going home in May.

It's my ticket out of YWAM.

On May 20th, I would no longer be "Minju Kim, YWAM Salem staff," but just plain "Minju Kim, unemployed/prospective student".
I could no longer be able to tell people that I am a missionary - which I sometimes do want to proudly shout out from the top of the world - I will just whisper it to myself, and of course to the army of friends who understand and support my calling. I am very thankful of these friends.
And no matter what labels I might have on the outside, I know who I am.
I am His baby and missionary extraordinaire.

I feel like leaving a home of four years should not have been so easy. 10 minutes online and a few clicks, and it was done. My decision set on a e-ticket. Years of struggle, tears and sweat summarized (currently) in virtual world. A little piece of paper that I wouldn't see until the day of departure became the final stamp on the four most insanely life-changing years of my life.
I am thankful of every single minute of those four years.

It is 28 days and counting until my day of departure.

War Child - Emmanuel Jal

Emmanuel Jal has won worldwide acclaim for his unique style of hip hop with its message of peace and reconciliation born out of his experiences as a child soldier in Sudan. His music can be heard alongside Coldplay, Gorillaz, and Radiohead on the fundraising ‘Warchild - Help a Day in the Life’ album, as well as in three ER episodes, the National Geographic documentary God Grew Tired of Us, and more recently in the feature film Blood Diamond starring Leonardo DiCaprio. He also featured on John Lennons ‘Instant Karma: The Amnesty International Campaign to Save Darfur’ amongst the likes of U2, REM and Lenny Kravitz.

Emmanuel Jal was born in war-torn Sudan, and while he doesn’t know exactly when, he believes it was in the early 1980s. He was taken from his family home in 1987 when he was six or seven years old, and sent to fight with the rebel army in Sudan’s bloody civil war. For nearly five years, he was a “child warrior,” put into battle carrying an AK-47 that was taller than he was.

By the time he was 13, he was a veteran of two civil wars and had seen hundreds of his fellow child soldiers reduced to taking unspeakable measures as they struggled to survive on the killing fields of Southern Sudan. After a series of harrowing events, he was rescued by a British aid worker (Emma McCune) who smuggled him into Nairobi to raise him as her own. To help ease the pain of what he had experienced, Emmanuel started singing.

In 2005, he released his first album, Gua (”peace” in his native Nuer tongue), with the title track broadcast across Africa over the BBC and becoming a number one hit in Kenya. Gua also earned him a spot on Bob Geldof’s “Live 8″ concert in the UK. Jal performed at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday celebrations in Hyde Park, London, June 08, he shared a stage with Alicia Keys, Annie Lennox, Damien Marley and Stephen Marley at the Black Ball in London in July 08 and also addressed delegates at the UN in New York in the same month. Jal has also performed with Razorlight, Supergrass, and Faithless in Europe. Last October Emmanuel toured the United States as part of the National Geographic All Roads Film Festival, in which he performed in New York, Washington D.C., Los Angeles and New Orleans. Jal also performed with Moby and Five for Fighting in the 2007 live concert film, The Concert To End Slavery (www.concerttoendslavery.com/trailer).

Jal has a full-length documentary on his life and times which has been touring the film festival circuit. It premiered at the Berlinale festival this year, and won the Cadillac audience choice award at the Tribeca film festival. His autobiography has been sold to St. Martin’s Press with anticipated release of spring 2009. His new album ‘Warchild’ was released on 12th May 2008 on the Sonic360 label (distribution by ADA Global) with additional production and mix by Neal Pogue, (Outkast, Talib Kweli, Pharohae Monch).

http://www.emmanueljal.org/bio Copyright © 2009 Emmanuel Jal

Fear - the tale of riding a bicycle

Fear opens forgotten wounds.
Fear makes the possible seem impossible.
Fear paralyses, opening the depths of my soul
to a scalding flood of lies.
My ears are frozen shut
and truth is no longer mine.

With my greatest dreams come my biggest fears.
Dare I dream?
Dare I dig deep, unearthing the tiny seed of hope
the flicker of a spark
shadow of a dawn.
Dare I move?
Dare I dream of a tomorrow,
high hopes
riding into high noon
The tiny flicker
burgeoning into a conflagration of ifs
maybes
and hopefuls.

..................
I rode a bicycle for the first time yesterday. Yes, for the first time in 26 years of living in this world that's brimming over with billions of bikes. A friend of mine offered to teach me, and under her patient coaching, I've managed to hop on the bike and ride, as shaky as it all were, all by myself.
Now, it may not seem like much, but anyone who knows me would agree that God did not choose to bless me in the area of physical coordination when he created me in my mama's womb. What I did on that bike today was a tremendous feat.

Truth be told, I've been struggling with major bouts of fear lately. I've been planning to move to Boston for a while now to pursue multiple degrees in the most prestigious academic institution in the world - and as the days slowly dissipate, the little tides of fear barely licking at my toes have been growing into a tsunami big enough to make me pee my pants. My nights have been rather sleepless and painful.

One of my favorite fears is that I would try my best but produce no results - the fear of discovering that I suck too much to be redeemed by effort.
But yesterday, I did it. I sucked, but climbed back on over and over again in dogged perseverance, and after about thirty-something tries and a sore bum, I began to catch on. Now, I'm even starting to have fun.

Needless to say, this was all God's idea. The night before my friend offered to teach me, I sent out a desperate prayer for God to provide me with a chance to work at and accomplish something, so that I could prove to myself that I could do it if I tried.
My prayer was answered, and my fear stopped being loud and obnoxious.