Broad Brush Strokes

I've always been one of those people that had no problem with hearing God's voice. From that day during DTS when we learned that God does, indeed, speak with us as He did with the people in the Bible, I've always taken it for granted that He would tell me what He would like me to do in all of the big and small decisions in my life.

He's not as opinionated anymore.

I mean, He still shares what He thinks I should do if I remember to ask (like right now, I think He would like for me to study and do my reading for Monday - and He's right) but remains infuriatingly silent on some of the main decisions in my life.

I've been praying quite intensely for a while about getting a job. Before heading out to Boston, I figured that it would look something like this: God- "Minju, get blahblahblah job", Me- "okay God, I will apply!", Recruiter- "we want you! come on board!". This scenario never really happened.

The other thing I've prayed about is scheduling classes. Yes, you can call me a baby, but this is how I've lived my life in the past 4 years. Come on, if God told me to do it, it must be foolproof! The little perfectionist in me capers with joy. But this time, He tells me I can do whatever I want.

At first, I wondered if there was something wrong with me. May be it's because I've come away from such a "spiritually saturated" environment. May be I have sin in my life. May be I never really heard Him and am actually crazy. May be my opinions are secretly very strong and therefore I'm deaf to Him. Ridiculous stuff. But here is what I've finally figured out.

Let's say that my life is like a very large canvas. Everyday I paint a little more. Any mistakes that I make can be re-shaped into something beautiful, but cannot be erased. Each brush stroke is permanent. Before DTS, I've made some terrible mistakes in my life - some that burgeoned into giant blots beyond my control. These distortions seemed too ugly to ever be redeemed, and they sure couldn't be erased. This is where God came in and showed me, step by step, how to fix the whole mess. He conferred with me on the tiniest little dot. He guided my hand through the faintest stroke of the brush. He taught me how to live my life again.

Now, I think my life is back on track. Reparations are over, and the blotches have transformed into a tapestry of images that speak of life, beauty and rebirth. Now, it's time to move forward with broad, bold brush strokes. The little details are left up to me. I've been taught how to fill in the blanks.