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What makes a person hold on?

This is the question I ask myself this morning, still tired from the trip back home and terrified of losing my way.

I just came out of a place of intense investment. I was going to use the analogy of an incubator, but that does not even come close. May be a boot camp would suffice. Or I don't know, disciples walking with Jesus before crucifixion. It was that good.

Now, it's crucifixion time. The real test.

One of the new friends I've made there - someone I respect very much - said that when her husband had asked her who she thinks is the one person from the workshop that will change the world, she said my name. I was incredibly flattered, thanked her and took the compliment on the outside, but was absolutely terrified inside. I was afraid that she was seeing something that wasn't there. Or may be she was seeing the results of the workshop - soon to be determined whether they are permanent or temporary. It is easy to be a good person when you are invested into and encouraged everyday.

I'm not afraid of "falling away from God" or "His path". The wide brushstrokes are easy to follow so long as I am committed. And I understand commitment.

What I am afraid of are the details. The pauses of the brushstrokes, the minute details of the painting. These details are what speak of character and build the foundations for the brushstrokes to take the most effect.

Will I be loving and wise with my parents? Will I be a servant? Will I use my time wisely? Will I choose to see myself as God sees me?

These are daily things. And I really believe that unless I can do the daily things - the minute details - there's no way that I could change the world. Impact society. Disciple the nations.

The conclusion I came to and something I keep telling myself is that I will be in a good place as long as I follow God. Surrender and obey. Surrender and obey. Repeat. Have grace for myself. Repeat.